35 Lessons I’ve Learned About Living Life at Your Own Pace

Turning 35 feels like a milestone—not just in age but in lessons learned along the way. Over the years, I’ve discovered the value of living life at my own pace. It’s not about racing to the next milestone or trying to meet society’s expectations. Instead, it’s about creating a life that feels intentional, balanced, and deeply fulfilling.

In honor of my 35th birthday, I’m sharing 35 life lessons that have helped me embrace a slower, more intentional way of living. Whether you’re looking to simplify your life, manage stress, or create more meaningful moments, I hope these lessons resonate with you.

P.s. I broke this up into smaller themes for easy reading :)

• Find Joy in the Everday Little Things

  • Always have something to look forward to each day: Even if it’s something small, plan something fun for yourself—a favorite TV show, a coffee date, or a relaxing bath—and it makes every single day feel a little brighter. I always aim to have a glimmer or treat planned for my day. 

  • Soundtrack your life: The right music can shift your mood in seconds. Find songs that inspire, comfort, or energize you and make them part of your daily routine. Add these songs to a playlist to set the vibe for the person you aim to be. I try to do this as often as I can so that when life hits a low point, or negative experiences pop up, I have something to bring me back to a happier me. 

  • Bookend your days with gratitude: Start and end your day with gratitude. Reflecting on small joys helps shift your mindset and reminds you of what truly matters. The five-minute gratitude journal has really helped me with this practice. When I don’t do this, I see a huge swing in my mood, and it’s honestly because your brain is one big sponge. The more you surround yourself with negative thinking, vibes, and energy, the worse you’ll feel about how things are going. Shifting to “I get to” or “I’m lucky to be in this situation” will keep you and your brain positive and on the right path. 

  • You’re doing better than you think you are: Give yourself credit. Celebrate the progress you’ve made, even if it feels small. Sometimes we get so accustomed to analyzing a situation or trying to optimize something that we forget where we originally started. I used to think I was so behind compared to other business owners, but that’s just not the case. All of us have different starting points and goals we are aiming for, so it’s best to only compare yourself to yourself. 

  • Laugh at the absurdity: Sometimes life is just ridiculous. Embrace the humor in the chaos. When I stopped taking every given situation so seriously, I felt so much better. Sometimes ridiculous things happen, and you can choose to either be annoyed/upset or laugh at them and take the power away from the crazy.

• Practice Intentional Self-Care

  • Be sweet to yourself: Treat yourself with kindness. Celebrate your wins, forgive your mistakes, and speak to yourself like you would a dear friend. You are deserving of unconditional love, especially from yourself. After all,  we are our true best friends. Trust yourself and appreciate who you are. Your younger self and future self will appreciate it! It's time to stop being so hard on ourselves and start speaking kind words to ourselves. 

  • Take breaks: Rest is productive, not indulgent. Listen to your body and allow yourself the time to recharge. Pushing myself to exhaustion only returned one result… I was exhausted. So now I take my lunch break, I scroll on my phone for fun, I connect with my friends, and just step away from work. It’s not going anywhere; there will always be more to do. The only way you can show up and kick ass is to rest and give yourself the breaks you need. 

  • Walk it off: When stress builds up, a walk can clear your mind and reset your perspective. Movement is a simple yet powerful remedy. When I read the book “Burnout,” I learned that moving your body is the best way to break the stress cycle. And I've made it my life's mission to maintain this habit for both my mental and physical health. 

  • Wash the day off: Now, this one, I have to give credit to my husband since he says this all the time. But he was spot on with this one. When things just don't seem to let up or get better, take a shower. A hot shower helps signal to your brain that it’s time to rest and reset. It's almost like you cleanse yourself from all the bad and come out with only the good stuff. 

  • Get creative with your definition of self-care: Self-care looks different for everyone. And what works for one person might not work for you. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you; it just means you need something else to feel cared for, supported, and relaxed. Whether it’s journaling, dancing, or gardening, find what feels restorative for you. Also, I recognized that self-care didn’t always have to be purchased or outsourced to someone else. Small stuff that is completely free, such as just alone time, were equally ( if not more) relaxing!

• Strengthen Relationships

  • Make time for your friends and family: Your relationships are your biggest treasures. Prioritize time with the people who matter most, whether that be your friend, spouse, kid, or extended family member. Not only does spending time with good people restore you, but it also makes those people feel amazing, which can be just as rewarding. Also, this life wasn’t meant to be a solo activity, I learned that folks genuinely wanted to be there for me and hear about my life. I wasn’t a burden as I convinced myself I was. 

  • No sad desk lunches: Take time to enjoy your meals truly. Step away from work, even if just for 10 minutes, to recharge and refocus. Your lunch tastes better when you can focus on it and turn it into an experience. 

  • Ask for help before you need it: As a recovering people pleaser, I always struggled to admit that I needed something from others. It wasn't until I was completely burnt out that I learned the true value of asking for help. There’s no shame in seeking support. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness. So now, before I get started on anything, I think of who in my circle could be helpful to my mission. Who could I lean on in the worst case scenario? I then make it a point to give them a heads-up that I am working on something that I may need their help with. This proactive approach takes the pressure off of everyone involved and builds real connections because now they're equally invested in what I'm doing. Most of the time, they offer to step in before I even can ask for help, haha. It's a true win-win situation. 

  • Keep showing up—it motivates you, and those you don’t even know are watching: We all have our own insecurities and doubts, but sometimes, the best way to counter those feelings is to do the exact opposite of what's in your comfort zone. Usually, when things get hard, our natural inclination is to give up, but I've learned instead it's better to keep trying even if it's messy. Consistency inspires not just you but others around you. It reminds you that you can do hard things, you can keep your promises, and you can be the main character of your life. The main characters always show up, whether anyone notices them or not. 

  • Ask questions: Curiosity opens doors. Don’t be afraid to ask for clarity, help, or advice. I rarely take things at face value anymore. I now try to keep an open mind and stay curious as to why something might be. Most of the time, what you think is happening is rarely true. There is always something you learn or gain more insight about. Also, asking questions is the easiest way to strengthen bonds and really understand others. There really is no fun in being a know-it-all-all. All it does is turn people off and make you susceptible to take on more than you have to. Stay curious, stay open, and see where it leads you.

• Manage Stress and Overwhelm

  • Get outside: Sunlight and fresh air can work wonders for your mental health. Step outdoors, even if just for a moment. Almost all the beautiful things life has to offer are in nature. Surround yourself with them and get a fresh perspective. You won't regret it. 

  • Deep breaths, slowing down, and laughing a lot are the trifecta to managing stress: When life feels overwhelming, pause. Breathe deeply, laugh freely, and take it one moment at a time. On a daily basis, I am probably doing one, if not all, of these things. They keep me grounded and help me see the bigger picture. 

  • Move through your stress: Don’t ignore it—process it. Stress needs an outlet, whether it’s through journaling, movement, or talking it out. You are what you focus on, so if you're constantly focused on how stressed you are, you'll just stay stressed. Instead, try an activity that gets you moving. Again, the Burnout book taught me all about how movement is a way to mimic the fight or flight response for your brain, so you need to release that energy through an activity so it doesn't stay trapped within you. 

  • Rest is productive: It’s not just okay to rest—it’s necessary. Give yourself permission to pause without guilt. A healthy lifestyle is one that is a good mix of fast and slow. Never feel guilty for doing nothing, nothingness is called rest, and you need it. Just like your cell phone, you need to charge up, and that's what the rest is. 

  • Your environment can shift your mood: A tidy, organized space can help you feel calmer and more focused. It wasn't until I lived alone that I realized how much my space affected my mental health. For the longest time, I couldn't figure out why I loved living by myself so much, and it was because my space was organized for me and only me. Everything I wanted and needed was in my apartment; everything else got purged. And anytime something came in I didn't like or didn't fit, I would feel stressed. The minute I decluttered and got my space back to the organized state I grew accustomed to, I felt like the best version of myself. Bottom line, all the material things we think we need are honestly crap, it's extra, and we don't need half of it. Release it, and you'll feel calmer. 

• Create Balance and Boundaries

  • Charge your phone in another room at bedtime: Set boundaries with technology to create a more restful environment and protect your sleep. Constantly being accessible to everyone and every mainstream media outlet out there is not good for you. It's exhausting you and stealing energy from you. Your phone will be there in the morning, take a break and let yourself get unstimulated for a few hours. 

  • Aim for three must-dos daily: Set small, achievable goals to keep yourself focused without feeling overwhelmed. Three main objectives are plenty to try to knock out in a day. It keeps things manageable and attainable. The more often you can actually knock off things on your list, the more momentum you'll build to try again the next day and the next day. If you're always overloading your list, you'll never get anything done, and soon you'll start to believe that you won't get anything done. It's a vicious cycle and a fast track to burnout. 

  • Make time for yourself before you say yes to something new: Honor your needs first. A well-rested, cared-for you can show up better for others. Stop putting yourself second to everything that comes your way. You can definitely say yes to anything, but you shouldn't until you've done something for yourself. And again, it's not selfish to take care of yourself. Taking care of yourself takes on many forms, including fueling your body, resting your body, stimulating your mind, or just giving yourself a treat. But we need to quit normalizing martyrdom. It's not necessary, and it's unfair to you and everyone you come in contact with. 

  • Be off when you’re off: Set boundaries between work and rest. When you’re off the clock, honor that time. Emergencies are a rarity and may creep into your personal time, fine. That's not what we're talking about. I'm talking about when you use your well-deserved paid time off to check emails. Stop doing that! It doesn't build confidence in the team covering for you, and you're stealing from yourself. You're stealing your peace and downtime. 

  • Say no: Protect your time and energy by learning when to decline commitments that don’t align with your priorities. Saying no, I've learned, is the kindest thing you can do. It's kind to yourself because you're respecting your capacity, and it's kind to the other person because it teaches them to be creative and figure things out. Sure, they may be disappointed to hear the word, but it's beneficial to them in the long run. 

• Shift Your Mindset

  • Keep your promises to yourself: Building trust in yourself is one of the most empowering things you can do. If you say you are going to do something, do it. This is truly the only way to boost confidence and grow as a person. 

  • Your thoughts aren’t fact: Challenge the stories you tell yourself. Often, they’re just fears, not truths. My therapist hammered this into me, and I am so grateful she did. Our thoughts are just information; they aren't fact or truth, and the more you can question them and test them again, the more mentally strong you'll be. My favorite way to do this is with a simple " Who told you that?" most of the time, I am the many who told me that, and then I have to be like wow, Renee, why are you being so mean? Great way to reframe any and everything happening to you. 

  • Fake it until you make it: Confidence grows through action. Show up, even if you don’t feel ready yet. The more you do it, the more ready you become. 

  • Speak it into existence: Words are powerful. Speak your goals and dreams out loud to help them take shape. MANIFEST!!!  Everything I have is because I wrote it down and turned it into an affirmation. I then show up like I already have it. Good things take time, but they always find you. 

  • Everything is temporary: The highs, the lows, the stress, the joy—it all passes. Embrace the moment for what it is.

• Live Intentionally

  • Write down your goals: There’s power in putting pen to paper. Writing your goals helps clarify your vision and keeps you accountable. Again, MANIFEST!!!

  • Don’t be afraid to ask for extensions or more time: Deadlines are often flexible suggestions. Advocate for what you need to do your best work. Most of the time things can shift if you ask for space in a reasonable time. 

  • Make it make sense: You don't have to just accept things as they are; make them work for you. Make them make sense for your needs and lifestyle. Simplify and prioritize. Focus on what truly matters, and let go of what doesn’t. 

  • Time your work, live your life: I used to think life was measured by your work and what you got done. I'd spend all my time working hard, and when it came to hardly working, I'd put a time limit on it. It was messed up, and my priorities were totally off. It wasn't until I put boundaries around my work and stuck them that I found true balance. Balance doesn’t mean perfection—it means being intentional with your time.

  • Trust your gut: Your intuition is a powerful guide. Listen to it. Point blank, period. If something doesn't feel right, it's probably not right. Use your own experiences to shape your own way of doing things.