How the “Mental Load” Is Wrecking Your Peace (and What to Do About It)
I’ve recently entered a phase of life where I walk into a room and forget why I entered it. As I was prepping for guests this past easter, I found myself doing this more times than I'd like to admit. We joke that this is just part of getting older—which yes I am getting older and I'm fine with that. I actually can't wait to be fully gray, sitting on my porch just giving full sass without a care in the world, but beyond age, there’s something deeper going on.
It’s the mental load.
I clearly was headed into whatever room to grab something or put something away, but because my mind was going a million miles a minute thinking about all the things. I forgot!
And I know I'm not alone in this feeling. It’s showing up for so many high-achieving women, especially those managing full-time jobs, young children, caregiving, or small businesses. This invisible weight is what’s keeping us from feeling truly rested—even when we’re technically “off.”
If your brain feels like it’s juggling family life, work deadlines, and a million little things all at once—you’re not alone. In this post, we’ll unpack the science behind the mental load, explore how it disrupts your peace, and discuss small steps that can help you reset your rhythm.
So, What Is the Mental Load?
The term “mental load” describes the cognitive and emotional effort required to manage the logistics of daily life. According to a 2024 article published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, it includes not just the tasks themselves, but the ongoing anticipation, organization, and coordination of those tasks—most often carried by women in heterosexual households.
In plain terms: the mental load is the constant remembering, deciding, and planning that lives in your head, and often stays invisible to everyone else.
Let’s say you need to prepare for a family gathering. Sure, the physical task might be “host brunch.” But your brain also runs through:
“What does everyone like to eat?”
“Is there enough room at the table?”
“Did I account for allergies?”
“What if the kitchen’s a mess? Will I need to start dishes mid-event”
"Should we have name cards, so these two ladies don't sit next to each other?"
“We need to clean the living room. Folks will want to get comfy after eating.”
“Do we have a gift for my niece? Her birthday is the day before brunch.”
That’s the mental load. The emotional nuance. The invisible prep. And when you’re carrying this for every area of your life—business, home, and relationships—it adds up fast.
And when you add it all up? It’s not just a to-do list—it’s an overwhelming full-time job and presence that honestly never leaves.
Those “little things” might not seem like much in isolation, but they demand brain space. Thoughtfulness. Timing. And sometimes, the emotional energy to do the right thing, not just the quick thing.
And while this feeling is felt most strongly by working mothers, other categories of ambitious women are also impacted by it.
For small business owners, this includes decisions about pricing, messaging, hiring, and even how to present themselves on social media. For single women building their careers, it might involve navigating family life, planning quality time with close friends, or simply trying to keep the living room from becoming a dumping ground for all their belongings after a hectic workweek.
No wonder so many women feel like they’re stuck in survival mode.
Why the Mental Load Disrupts Peace
Peace isn’t just about silence or taking a bath. Peace basically is what happens when your nervous system gets a break. When your brain isn’t always spinning through what's next. Sounds ideal, right? Peace is ultimately what were all striving for but when your brain is unable to shut off it's damn near impossible to achieve.
Here’s what the mental load steals from us:
The ability to be fully present is hard when you're 10 steps, hours, or days ahead
The clarity to make decisions without second-guessing
The margin for emotional release when things get hard
The space to enjoy good times without guilt
The feeling of control over your schedule, your energy, and your mind
Even when you're doing “peaceful things”—a weekend getaway, dinner with friends, a fun board game with your kid—there’s often a sense that your mind is somewhere else. That’s what mental clutter does: it makes it hard to land in the moment. This is why so many women feel like they can never truly relax. They'll take the time for themselves or get some alone time, and the whole time, they are thinking about everyone else, or worse, they feel like they don't deserve to just be or do nothing. This is why booking a spa day helps, but it's not a cure-all!
When your nervous system stays on high alert? It can lead to burnout, anxiety, disrupted sleep, and even physical symptoms like getting sick randomly. That’s how the mental load becomes a health issue, too.
How to Lighten the Load (Even Just a Little Bit)
You don’t need to escape to the woods or quit your job to find peace. But you do need a reset button. Here are a few of the best ways to start:
1. Start with a brain dump. Before the week begins, write out every task, reminder, and mental sticky note currently in your head. This creates room for clarity and gives your nervous system an emotional release. With everything out of your brain, you can finally make sense of it all and plan efficiently.
2. Build systems that share the load. Whether it's synced calendars, shared to-do lists, or project management apps to keep it all straight, it’s not about doing it all and being the boss of everyone. It’s about doing it together. When more people can understand the load you're carrying, the easier it becomes to delegate and start to lighten the load.
3. Identify what’s actually yours to carry. Sometimes, the only way forward is to get honest about what’s draining you. Are you the default for every school form, client fire, and household chore? That may need to shift. You can either train others to do the things you do or outsource them altogether.
4. Take small steps toward delegation. Not everything can be outsourced, but small businesses thrive when owners trust their systems and team. Home life does too. Your time and energy are your most valuable assets at the end of the day, so if your time is worth more than a vendor's hourly wage, pull the trigger and get relief fast!
5. Redefine productivity. Rest, hobbies, and “good enough” solutions don’t shrink your impact. In fact, they often preserve it. Peace has a return on investment. The more relaxed you are, the more freedom you have to ideate, create, and invent. You may come up with the next amazing business idea or solution that could completely change your world. You just need the brain space to do it!
You’re Not Broken. You’re Just Carrying Too Much.
If you've been feeling like you can’t keep up—pause. This isn’t a personal failure. It’s the result of trying to hold it all together without enough support, space, or structure.
You were never meant to manage every detail of family life, business strategy, and self-care all at once.
And yet, you’re still showing up. You’re still doing the work. So first off, CELEBRATE THAT! and then let’s help you do it with less overwhelm and a calmer mind.
At Savvy Sloth Strategies, we help high-achieving women reset their mental load through intentional systems that support both business growth and work-life balance.
Whether you're looking for practical advice, a whole new workflow, or simply a little breathing room—we’re here for that.
Book a free consult to get support that actually sticks. You’ve done the hard part. Let’s make the rest feel lighter.
